I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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