The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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