I am spending my child support on dildos
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
