i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
