dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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