everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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