I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
