My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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