never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
