The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
