listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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