Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wear drunk well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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