Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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