i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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