Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
