what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
