sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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