would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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