I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
