Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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