two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
