hell yes lets make some ravioli
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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