These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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