Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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