Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
