Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
