Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
