I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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