would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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