he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
