i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
