Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
