Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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