ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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