Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
