i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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