first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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