We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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