well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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