Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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