I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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