I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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