I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize