Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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