Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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