Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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