Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
