I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
