I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
