please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
