alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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