He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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