I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
