I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
