You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize