morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
