Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
