I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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